Most families we meet aren’t looking for attention when they give, but they also want their kids and grandkids to value generosity deeply. The challenge is finding an intentional path to do generosity together in a way that invites participation and joy, not pressure. What follows is the simple rhythm I’ve used with my family and with many others.
The First Family Giving Meeting
Pick a moment you’re already together (like a holiday) and say out loud what the time is for: collaborative family giving. The stated objective is to select a few organizations that our collective family holds dear and support them.
To start, it usually sounds like, “Your mom/dad and I have some charitable giving planned this year, and we wanted to ask if there are any organizations that you love that are doing great work.”
I usually bring a few ministries or charities we care about and share why they matter: a person we met, a story we can’t forget, the kind of impact we’ve seen. Then I ask for input. What do they think about these causes? Do they have any connection to those who serve or the people being served?
Aside from the giving, it's always encouraging to see what our kids care about. In some cases, your kids may not have given much thought to charitable organizations, and this might be the kickstart that gets the train of thought going for your family as well.
When you begin, I would encourage you to set an expectation that there are no decisions being made at the family meeting. Take a little time to think and prayerfully consider, and then share your decision and the “why.”
A small touch that goes a long way: when you send the gift, tell the organization your family made the decision together. It encourages them, and it communicates to your kids, “This is something we do together.”
The Second Meeting – Giving Together
At the next gathering (maybe next year’s holidays), I ask each adult child (and spouses, if applicable) to bring one or two organizations they care about. No slides required. Just ask:
- Why does this matter to you?
- How have you engaged?
- How would a gift further the work they’re doing?
In our own family, I’ve been incredibly touched at how these conversations have warmed the hearts of some of my kids towards the cares of their siblings. That’s formation happening in real time. It’s still your money and your decision, but now their voices are in the process, and they’re learning how to evaluate where to give.
Setting The Long-Term Vision
If you know your giving capacity, consider jumpstarting the next generation’s giving with funding so they can begin their own journey. A very practical way to do that is through donor-advised funds or similar giving accounts:
- Open a small account for each adult child or family unit, seed it, and (if you want) share a few guardrails.
- Then step into a coaching role. Invite them to explore ministries and charitable organizations and to start developing their own gifting strategy.
- At the next get-together, we ask everyone to share where they gave and why. You’ll learn as much from their choices as they do.
Keep It Simple and Documented
I find a single page carries just enough structure:
- Why do we give (two or three sentences in your words)
- Cause priorities (a short list you care about)
- When we decide (your meeting cadence)
If it helps, name simple roles without making it heavy. A convener who schedules. A couple of “researchers” who bring options. Someone who writes down decisions and sends thank-yous. The goal is clarity that makes the conversation easier to repeat.
Timing Your Giving Together
Some families choose to concentrate multiple years of gifts in one tax year and then grant over time, often through a giving account. For the right situation, it simplifies the mechanics while keeping your monthly or quarterly rhythm steady. (General information only; coordinate with your tax and legal professionals.) We want to remove as much friction as possible around giving so the family can keep showing up.
Practices That Create Legacies
Over time, something important happens. Giving moves from private to shared, from occasional to rhythmic, from “Mom and Dad’s thing” to “our story”. The next generation learns how to discern, not just how to donate. They practice generosity with real dollars, real organizations, real outcomes, and they hear—in your own voice—why this matters.
A Gentle Way to Begin
Pick one gathering. Bring three causes. Invite input. Share the decision and the why. If it goes well, let the next generation bring their causes next time—and consider giving them a small fund so they can start practicing. You’re not only giving to worthy work today; you’re giving the gift of giving to those who come after you.
If you’d like a short conversation in the New Year about how to set up the mechanics (and keep the heart), I’m glad to help you and your CPA think it through.